I wish I’d had even some of this sense of urgency when I was younger. As a teenager, I would’ve foolishly welcomed death, but my adult self appreciates the urgency the fact of death adds to my life. Adult me sees the impermanence of all things and seeks to fill my remaining hours with as much thought and activity and creation as possible. Teenage me … Continue reading A Sense of Urgency
I am three years old. I am not a loud or rambunctious child, but I am constantly humming to myself. Mom will find this habit charming until the day I learn to whistle. I am four years old. My mother wants to brush my hair, the way she always dreamed of brushing her daughter’s silky hair as though she were a doll. I do not … Continue reading Actually Autistic?
The air is cool this morning, but I still have the summer blanket on the bed. I pull the fleece close to me, trying to conserve the heat within my blanket cocoon, when the alarm on my phone starts blaring. It screeches and insists I type in a pattern to silence the cacophony, but none of this truly stirs me from my slumber. I’ve silenced … Continue reading What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?
Given the choice, I’ll always opt for music over talking when I’m driving alone, but when Kelly and I ride together I have her pick out podcasts, of which she is a connoisseur. (It feels kind of fancy, to be honest, like I have a personal podcast curator.) Today, Kelly asked me if I wanted to listen to a series called “Doctor Death” that followed … Continue reading The Men Who Shout
When I was in 6th grade, a classmate was having a big birthday bash to which it seemed everyone was invited. We’ll call her Kayla. It was still summer vacation and I ran into my best friend at the beach. She asked me if I was going to Kayla’s birthday party and I told her I hadn’t received an invitation. “Oh you’re invited!” my friend … Continue reading Invited
In her show “Nanette,” Hannah Gadsby quips that she “knew more facts about unicorns than about lesbians” for a long time. She then has to double-back and clarify for the audience that “there are no facts about unicorns.” It’s a solid joke, one that is all too relatable for queer people. The internet has made an enormous difference in the lives of LGBTQ+ people, that’s … Continue reading Facts about Lesbians
If you played an instrument for any length of time while you were growing up in the United States, you were probably subjected to an adjudicated music festival at some point in time. Since I grew up in New York, ours was called “NYSSMA,” which referred to the organization that ran it, the New York State School Music Association. My mom once called it “lambs … Continue reading Progress