I wish I’d had even some of this sense of urgency when I was younger. As a teenager, I would’ve foolishly welcomed death, but my adult self appreciates the urgency the fact of death adds to my life. Adult me sees the impermanence of all things and seeks to fill my remaining hours with as much thought and activity and creation as possible. Teenage me … Continue reading A Sense of Urgency
By now, hopefully you and everyone you care about has watched Hannah Gadsby’s “Nanette.” (If not, please go do so immediately!) Towards the end of the show, Hannah says, “The damage done to me is real and debilitating; I will never flourish.” I’ve been rolling this one around in my head a lot. It’s not a new idea to me, it’s one I’ve thought many … Continue reading Flourish
[I guess we’ll get the shameless promoting out of the way first: If you haven’t gotten your tickets to Hannah Gadsby’s new show, “Douglas,” yet, grab ’em while you can! I know more dates will continue to be added, but tickets are going very fast.] In case you hadn’t heard by now, my partner and I got the chance to see Hannah Gadsby live (the … Continue reading Insides First
I wish I could say I’ve handled the autistic realization with nothing but gracefully acceptance, but that’s not the case. It’s been a bit of a process, to be honest, somewhat like grieving. I guess I’m grieving any chance of ever truly being normal but… didn’t I already know I was “different”? My whole life, haven’t I known? But that’s so me, to hold out … Continue reading Common Reaction
I am three years old. I am not a loud or rambunctious child, but I am constantly humming to myself. Mom will find this habit charming until the day I learn to whistle. I am four years old. My mother wants to brush my hair, the way she always dreamed of brushing her daughter’s silky hair as though she were a doll. I do not … Continue reading Actually Autistic?
Given the choice, I’ll always opt for music over talking when I’m driving alone, but when Kelly and I ride together I have her pick out podcasts, of which she is a connoisseur. (It feels kind of fancy, to be honest, like I have a personal podcast curator.) Today, Kelly asked me if I wanted to listen to a series called “Doctor Death” that followed … Continue reading The Men Who Shout
When I was in 6th grade, a classmate was having a big birthday bash to which it seemed everyone was invited. We’ll call her Kayla. It was still summer vacation and I ran into my best friend at the beach. She asked me if I was going to Kayla’s birthday party and I told her I hadn’t received an invitation. “Oh you’re invited!” my friend … Continue reading Invited