A hand holding a Tamagotchi.

Care for the Organism

Forgive me for stating the obvious here, but executive dysfunction is challenging. For years, I just thought I was lazy, or broken, or overly depressed (some of the last one is probably accurate, I have been dealing with clinical depression about as long as I’ve had memory). Eventually, I came across the concept of executive function and it’s flip-side, the dysfunction, and while it sounded … Continue reading Care for the Organism

Me, waiting for a train that will never come. Circa 2012.

Don’t Hate Me Because I Hate Me

Confidence is sexy. Don’t ask me where I learned that, it’s just one of those things “everyone knows.” Surely you’ve learned this too, either in conversation or directly. As a person who’s never had much self-confidence to speak of, I can’t tally the number of times well-meaning friends have instructed me to simply “Be confident!” as though that is actually helpful life advice. They act … Continue reading Don’t Hate Me Because I Hate Me

Apparently, I wasApparently, I was really into capes as a kid. Circa 1990.

Common Reaction

I wish I could say I’ve handled the autistic realization with nothing but gracefully acceptance, but that’s not the case. It’s been a bit of a process, to be honest, somewhat like grieving. I guess I’m grieving any chance of ever truly being normal but… didn’t I already know I was “different”? My whole life, haven’t I known? But that’s so me, to hold out … Continue reading Common Reaction

Me being my goofy self, circa 2012.

Permission

“Do you understand what self-deprecation means when it come from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility, it’s humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak…” –Hannah Gadsby When I saw “Nanette” for the first time and I heard Hannah speak these words, it was as though someone had put a large bell over … Continue reading Permission

Me with my parents, circa 1990.

File Under “Odd”

It was more than 20 years ago, but I still remember that day clearly. I was in first grade. We were standing in the lunch line when I noticed the two boys behind me giggling and pointing. They were giggling and pointing at me, but I didn’t know why. Finally, one of them blurted out, “What are you doing?!” What was I doing? I glanced down and … Continue reading File Under “Odd”