Hands up, pushing away. Photo by M.T ElGassier on Unsplash

I worry, therefore I am

I’ve had a hard time writing this past week, probably in part because I’ve had a hard time thinking lately. Writing requires at least some organization of thought: a trait I have been completely lacking recently. I’ve been reluctant to talk about it, but I do believe part of how we connect with one another is through being vulnerable and transparent, so that’s my goal. … Continue reading I worry, therefore I am

Photo of a radio by Rayan Almuslem on Unsplash

Little Joys

As someone who’s struggled with life-long clinical Depression, the concept of “happiness” has always been bizarre and elusive to me. The examples of happiness we see in our young lives are often of the “and they lived Happily Ever After” variety, implying that happiness is a state once reaches, rather than a string of beautiful moments peppered along a lifetime.  And as long as I … Continue reading Little Joys

Photo by Masha Rostovskaya on Unsplash

It’s Not About You (and that’s Great)

I spend an exorbitant amount of time anxiously worrying about what other people think of me. I worry about other things too, usually whatever could go wrong in any given situation, but other people’s opinions of me, in particular, is something that monopolizes much of my brain power. I worry so much, in fact, that I sometimes wonder if I would cease to exist if … Continue reading It’s Not About You (and that’s Great)

Photo by Jakub Kriz on Unsplash

Invisible Struggles

“I have this tight feeling in my chest,” my partner messaged me the other day. Immediately I start worrying about cardiac issues, even though she’s relatively young for that. Thank goodness she works at an urgent care. “All my vitals are normal, though.” Huh, so what the heck is going on? “Is this what anxiety feels like?”  I laugh. I have to laugh. How did … Continue reading Invisible Struggles

Me in the Traildust Town holding cell

If humans are so sociable, then what’s my problem?

“Humans are social creatures” is a thing you will hear and see over and over again, particularly in any article or opinion piece about human beings. Everyone seems pretty settled on this, even Aristotle thought so, which has me perpetually wondering what the heck is wrong with me. “Be social” is actually an item written in my daily habit and chore tracker. I didn’t add it … Continue reading If humans are so sociable, then what’s my problem?

Femme portrait circa 2005

The Comparison Framework

It is good advice that one ought not measure their insides by someone else’s outsides. That is, don’t use anyone else’s measuring stick to figure out your own, personal progress in life. But I’ve never been one for good advice. I prefer to make the mistake myself, much to my mother’s dismay. She always tried to tell me, but I always had to see for myself. … Continue reading The Comparison Framework

Stock image of a human eye from http://clipart-library.com

Eye Contact

“Look me in the eye!” someone will say when they’re furious or deadly serious. Though we don’t often unpack it, eye contact has power. To look into someone’s eyes and have them look back at you can be intimidating for the same reason it can be exhilarating: it’s a moment of pure, unadulterated connection with another person. So it makes sense, then, for autistic people for … Continue reading Eye Contact

A blurry portrait

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed. Feeling so overwhelmed I can barely write this. Like I shouldn’t be writing this. Like what’s the point anyway? Like there are so many thoughts bumping into each other I think they’re going to put cracks in my cranium. I was sick yesterday, some kind of stomach bug, so not only did my body purge everything I put into it, I didn’t bother attempting … Continue reading Overwhelmed

The Ugliest Moose at Moosefest 2005.

The New Normal

“Normal.” It’s a word that gets thrown around often. We act as though “normal” is a fixed point, a goal that can be achieved, or an object that can be obtained. But “normal” is nothing if not relative. Normal means merely “conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.” What is “normal” for you can be completely foreign for the person who lives right next … Continue reading The New Normal

Here I am, annoying my darling Titi.

My Four-Legged Therapist

My home is full of animals. Being a guardian to animals, particularly a bunch of them, does require some sacrifices. I don’t have a lot of what I would consider “nice” things, simply because animals can be dirty and destructive, even accidentally. Sometimes they’re even just being jerks. (My cat Nero, for example, likes to look me in the eye while knocking a glass to … Continue reading My Four-Legged Therapist