The Swamp of Sadness from "The Neverending Story."

The Neverending War

[CW: discussion of clinical Depression, suicide, and mental health] [Spoilers for the 1984 film The Neverending Story.] I’ve been fighting a war a long as I can remember, and I am tired. This war isn’t fought with guns or bombs or missiles, but my life is on the line nonetheless. I don’t want to die, but there’s voice in my mind telling me I should, insisting that … Continue reading The Neverending War

My best friend and I dressed up as Doc Brown and Marty posing in front of a TARDIS.

Tardy

Disclaimer: I’m not endorsing tardiness in any way, shape, or form. I realize that to function in our current world, punctuality is a must. This is just a recounting of some of my personal struggles with punctuality and timeliness.  Recently, I wrote about Executive Dysfunction and the difficulties it causes. One of the most common issues is problems with time management: tardiness, procrastination, etc. Time management … Continue reading Tardy

Order of the Good Death founder Caitlin Doughty.

Death Positive

I’m sure I’ve already initiated the raising of a few eyebrows with the title of this one. I know what you’re thinking, “What’s so positive about death?” That is a conversation I’d love to have, but the merits of dying don’t actually have anything to do with Death Positivity or the Order of the Good Death. Are you confused? Disoriented? Intrigued? Come along, friend, let … Continue reading Death Positive

A hand holding a Tamagotchi.

Care for the Organism

Forgive me for stating the obvious here, but executive dysfunction is challenging. For years, I just thought I was lazy, or broken, or overly depressed (some of the last one is probably accurate, I have been dealing with clinical depression about as long as I’ve had memory). Eventually, I came across the concept of executive function and it’s flip-side, the dysfunction, and while it sounded … Continue reading Care for the Organism

Me, waiting for a train that will never come. Circa 2012.

Don’t Hate Me Because I Hate Me

Confidence is sexy. Don’t ask me where I learned that, it’s just one of those things “everyone knows.” Surely you’ve learned this too, either in conversation or directly. As a person who’s never had much self-confidence to speak of, I can’t tally the number of times well-meaning friends have instructed me to simply “Be confident!” as though that is actually helpful life advice. They act … Continue reading Don’t Hate Me Because I Hate Me

Apparently, I wasApparently, I was really into capes as a kid. Circa 1990.

Common Reaction

I wish I could say I’ve handled the autistic realization with nothing but gracefully acceptance, but that’s not the case. It’s been a bit of a process, to be honest, somewhat like grieving. I guess I’m grieving any chance of ever truly being normal but… didn’t I already know I was “different”? My whole life, haven’t I known? But that’s so me, to hold out … Continue reading Common Reaction